Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
