Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
