why didn't you poke me back
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
