Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
