Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
