very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
