I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
His nipple licking is glorious
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