Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
