the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
