If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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