just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want to be your penis for a week.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
