Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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