So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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