I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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