new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
