Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
