i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
