Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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