I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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