So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
