It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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