Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
