I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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