Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
