He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
