I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
