I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
