Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
