his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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