Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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