His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
