Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
