DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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