I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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