I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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