I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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