Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
wow bdsm is so cute
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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