i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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