I puked a lego.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
