listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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