You're completely useless in the revolution.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
