just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
