I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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