dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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