Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
