my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
