one two three fourrrrnication!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
