Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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