Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
