I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
